I Wish I Was More Musical

Trying out the Windows App for WordPress. So far I’m a little wary because there isn’t a Spellcheck. This isn’t a huge deal, cause I think I’m not that bad a spelling, but there are a few words that I tend to use that I can never remember how to spell and I rely on the the little red squigglies under the word to alert me to the mistake. Anyway, on to the topic of the evening…

When I was in the 6th grade I played the violin. 6th grade being the first grade of junior high school, students are given the opportunity to join the band or orchestra of the school. I wasn’t feeling the trumpet or saxaphone in the band, and I was told that I couldn’t play the flute because I have a dip in my lip, which I think the teachers told me to save me from the ridicule I’d face since the flute was a girls insturment (I know that’s gender-role bullshit now, but at the time…). My best friend joined the orchestra and played the stand-up bass and I thought that’d be pretty cool and fun, but when I asked the number of bass players had filled. How about the violin? OK, I said. I lasted about 6 weeks. My “friends” (not my best friend, mind, but the “friends” that lived close to me and thus rode the schoolbus home with me) made fun of me for playing the insturment and I was a weak-willed child and gave into the pressure and quit. This is a mistake I still regret today.

There’s something in music, when I hear a good song or a good guitarist or a good whatever, and the music just…gets into my bones and resonates throughout my body. I have no outlet and the energy just swirls and creates this vortex within me that eventually dissipates or disolves or…just disappears after a bit. It’s this energy within and I have no idea what to do with it. I have no vocabulary for it, no way to express what it does to me. I feel like it’s this huge waste of energy or something, that if I’d stuck with the violin way back when maybe I’d have found a way to deal with this buildup of energy.

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